Harmonizing

I have a deep voice. When I went to church as a kid, we used to sing songs from this purple hymnal, and I didn't know how my voice was supposed to work with that music. I often sang very low. That didn't feel right either, but I did it so I wouldn't experience the pain I felt when I tried to sing higher than my voice was intended to go.

"Any note you can reach, I can go higher."

As I write this, I'm remembering that I sang publicly before I started singing in church, and I enjoyed it! When I was in fourth and fifth grades, we performed musicals, and I sang then - the holiday show and Annie Get Your Gun (I Got the Sun in the Morning, Anything You Can Do, There's No Business Life Show Business) and The Pajama Game (Steam Heat and Hernando's Hideaway). I really enjoyed singing in musicals, and I'm not sure why those experiences differed from singing in church as a kid. Maybe it was that my teachers made it fun when they taught us the songs, and at church it was all . . . so . . . serious.

My siblings and I were a part of a youth drama group called Of, By, For. I was so little, so I was more of an observer. I remember my sister and brother performing in The Wiz and Dreamgirls, but when I had a chance to be in a performance, I opted out. I would've been playing a mouse, and I found the person who'd be playing the cat to be not so nice.

My sister sang in the gospel choir at New York's Laguardia High School when she was a student there (yall know the school Fame was based on?), and I LOVED listening to them sing. I longed to sing like that. Even when I was in music class in sixth grade, I didn't learn how to use MY voice (it was like the teacher only focused on sopranos and tenors), and I was so relieved when I switched over to playing the flute in band the following year.

For a long time, I thought that I didn't know how to sing, until I joined Harvard's Gospel Choir, Kuumba, around the time that Dishon and I started dating. I found out that I was an alto, and learned how to harmonize. Singing songs like Ride On, King Jesus, Order My Steps, Nkosi Sikelel, iAfrika gave me life. Then sang with the choir when we were attending Massachusetts Avenue Baptist Church from 1998 - 2001, and under Crystal Dixon's leadership, I learned even more. It was so wonderful to finally have a mentor who helped me to realize that it wasn't that couldn't sing. It's just that I need to learn how to properly play the instrument that was my voice.

I sang with the praise and worship team when we were members at our previous church, and I learned how to harmonize even more. I've been singing as part of Grace Christian Church's praise and worship team for over two years, and I lead praise and worship at New Heights Camp every summer.

I don't sing perfectly at all. Sometimes I can't hear the harmony in the song, and the sounds come out all crazy, so I go back to that deep voice for safety. But I've learned to be more playful with music, and it's one of the most enjoyable parts of my life.

Writing is like harmonizing. Sometimes it flows perfectly, and sometimes you have to really listen to figure out where, when, and how your voice blends in. When you try to sound like someone else, it doesn't work. The important thing is to find and love the sound of your own voice. Keep singing. Keep writing. Keep playing with your voice until you find that sweet spot, and then let it flow.