TPIH: Chapter 1

Chapter 1

“What are you reading now?” Song asked, as she burst into the kitchen. 

“To Kill a Mockingbird,” Subria responded, not looking up from the window seat.

“But it’s summertime, Subria.” Song said, picking up an apple from the bowl on the kitchen table, and cleaning it on her shirt.  She picked up several of the other books that were next to Subria in a tottering pile. "Before the Mayflower? I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings?"

“There is a such thing as summer reading, Song.  I would think you’d remember that, college girl.”

“Why don’t you just rent the movie?”

“Because I like reading, maybe? And I already saw Gregory Peck in the movie.”

“School doesn’t start for another two weeks, Bria,” Song said, almost whining.  “You can read later.  Come with me to the mall.  I have to pick up some stuff before I go back to school, and I can help you pick out some cute outfits for when school starts.”

"There's nothing wrong with my clothes, Song" Subria said, putting a bookmark in the page where she left off.

"True," Song agreed, "it's the colors, and the way you put things together that needs work.  And I don't think I've ever seen you accessorize a day in your life."

"You really know how to win friends, and influence people, Song," Subria said, getting up and heading toward her room. 

"Seriously, Bria," Song said, following her.  "What kind of big sister would I be if I let you go into your junior year looking like a boy?"

"I don't dress like a boy, Song!" Subria asked, pulling a pair of camouflage pants out of her closet.

"Seriously?" Song asked, grabbing the pants from her. 

"I look good in green!"  Subria took her favorite green shirt out of the closet.  "What's wrong with this shirt?"

"Subria, look at this big oil stain!  It's so tacky to go outside like this.  Let me just pick out your outfit for today, and if I do a good job, you'll let me pick out some stuff for you at the mall.  I promise I'll pick out something green for you."

"Fine," Subria said.  "The last thing I want to do is embarrass you."

"It's not like that!" Song yelled over her shoulder, as she went toward her own room.  She came back with some frilly fuchsia skirt, and a pink and white scarf.

"You must be crazy!" Subria exclaimed.  "There is no way on earth."

"Okay, I'll pick out the shirt and shoes, and you pick out the pants."

"Whatever," Subria said, waiting until Song went back into her room for more clothes before she put the scarf on, looked in the mirror and grinned. 

***

"You ready to go, Bria?" Song asked, as she grabbed the car keys and an apple off of the dining table.

"Hold on for a second," Subria said, heading over to the kitchen sink where her mom was seasoning chicken.

"Mom," Subria said, approaching her mother slowly, and rubbing her shoulders. 

"Yes?" Renee responded, narrowing her eyes.

"You know I've had my license since last summer, right?"

"Uh huh," Renee said, reaching for the cutting board.

"I wanted to go with Song to the mall, and she's never seen me drive by myself yet, so I was hoping you'd let me drive?"

"To King's Plaza?" Renee asked, turning to face Subria sharply.

"Yes," Subria said squinting.

"Girl, please.  You know you're not on our insurance!"

By Subria's count, this made the 25^th time that month that she had been reminded about her lack of inclusion on the Davis family car insurance plan.

"And besides," Renee continued, "Song . . ."

"I know," Subria finished for her mother.  "Song has a perfect driving record."

"And a perfect score on my road test," Song chuckled.  "Don't forget about that!"

"Be quiet, Song!" Subria yelled.

"Come on, Subria," Song said, grabbing the car keys off of the hook.  "We'll be back in a few hours, mom."

Subria never grew tired of taking in the streets of Brooklyn outside of Bedford-Stuyvesant.  In her neighborhood, all there was to look at were blocks and blocks of three family homes, crowded dollar stores, Chinese restaurants where the customers were separated from the restaurant owners by bullet proof plastic, and storefront churches under the elevated train tracks on Broadway.  In Bed-Stuy, the back yards were as narrow as jail cells, and there was not enough space for trees.  She tried to be grateful that she even lived in a house, because most of her friends lived in small apartments, but she secretly longed to live someplace else.  Down the long stretch of Kings Highway on the way to the mall, Subria loved looking at different types of homes.  They were still attached, but the back yards had enough space for picnic tables, swing sets, and even pools.  Most of the homes had driveways or garages, and flowers in the front yards. She couldn't help but notice that there were not as many people who looked like her family in the Farragut and Flatlands sections that they passed through.  The supermarkets were bigger, and the gas prices were cheaper.   She began to wonder why being brown-skinned seemed to equate to more of the bad, and less of the good. 

"Where do you want to go first, Bria?" Song asked, as they walked into the mall.

"Old Navy." 

Altogether, they spent about an hour between stores, circled back to Old Navy, and decided on three outfits that Subria agreed to wear during the first week of school – her favorite being a brown flowy skirt that cascaded down around her feet and almost hid her sandals, and, of course, a grass green shirt that was form fitting with billowy sleeves, but not too poofy.  When Subria went into her wallet to pay for the clothes, however, her money was gone.

***

When Subria and Song arrived back at the house, Subria looked everywhere the money could possibly be – the back of the top shelf in her closet, under the loose floor board in her crawl space, and even under the mattress – but she couldn't find it anywhere.  If it had been less money, and if it had been the only time her money had ever mysteriously disappeared, she would simply try to overlook it, but it was everything she needed to buy what she needed to return to school, including her cleats for track.  Subria had worked for the entire summer saving up for her back to school clothes. Now the money was gone . . . again.

She should've listened to Primus and put it in the bank.  He was her best friend, and his advice was always exactly right, but she didn't want to believe that anyone in her family would take money from her.  As hard as it was to admit, it had to be someone in her family.  If someone had broken in, the whole house would've been robbed.  Instead it was just her money missing. . . again, and she was finding it hard to breathe. She looked over at the picture from family reunion and sobbed, trying not to allow herself to think that he could have done this to her.

"Bria!" Nairobi called from downstairs.  But Subria couldn't answer.

"Bria, Primus is here!"

Thirty seconds later, Subria's door burst open. "Bria, didn't you hear . . . "

Subria was kneeling in front of her bed, and her chest heaved in sync with her sobs.

"Bria, what's wrong," Nairobi asked, kneeling down next to her older sister.

"It's . . . gone," Subria managed to spit out.

"What's gone?"

"My money for my school clothes," Subria said, wiping her eyes simultaneously with the backs of her hands. 

"It can't be gone, Bria.  You had more than $300!  Maybe you just – "

"It's gone, Nai."

"Who would take your money?"

"There was a maintenance guy in the house last week," Subria said, not wanting to alarm her little sister.  "Maybe he went through my things."

"You should say something to Mommy!"  Nairobi shouted.  "You want me to tell her for you?"

"No, Nai.   I'll talk to her about it later," Subria lied.  The last thing she wanted to do was get the maintenance worker in trouble, but allowing Nairobi to think that was far better than telling her who she really thought it was. 

If the shopping trip w/Song remains, there will be a transition here re: what happens next.
                                                                ***
There was nothing more magical than snow falling on New York City during the holiday season – like thousands of sparkling stars descending from the night sky making a noisy city settle into silence.  As beautiful as the snow was, however, Subria hoped that the weather wouldn't prolong her bus ride, and make her late to meet up with Ms. Robena.  It was 5:00 on a Friday, and she had just finished indoor track practice at her high school in the Fort Greene section of Brooklyn.  If Subria had more time, she would have picked up a few things from the street vendors who were already selling horns, Happy New Year hats, and glasses in the shape of 1995 for the upcoming New Year's Eve celebration.  She was glad that she resisted the urge to shop, however, because the B26 was pulling up to the corner of Fulton Street and Lafayette Avenue just as she arrived at the stop.

Subria was pleased when she got on the bus and saw that the single seat next to the back door was vacant.  Up until last December, Subria hardly had to worry about who she would sit next to.  She and Primus were in eighth grade then, and they usually rode the bus together. When Primus couldn't ride with her, Subria sometimes ended up smashed against the window by a passenger whose body was much too large for the seats, or suffocating next to someone who wasn't interested in bathing regularly.  

Ms. Robena was approaching the cemetery entrance when Subria got off of the bus, and Subria breathed a sigh of relief.  She didn't want Primus' grandmother waiting outside for her in the snow.

"How are you, Ms. Robena?" Subria said as she leaned under the older woman's umbrella to kiss her on the cheek.  Ms. Robena smelled like mothballs, but Subria didn't mind.

"Fine, sweetheart," Ms. Robena responded, after returning the kiss.  "And how are you?"

"Good," Subria said, smiling. 

"You doing well in your classes?" Ms. Robena asked, extending her arm for Subria to take.

"Well, high school is way harder than junior high, and I'm having a little trouble in biology.  It's hard to meet with the tutors after school because of track practice, but I've been able to get some help on the weekends."

"That's good," Ms. Robena said.  "I'm glad to see you're not too proud to get help when you need it."

"How have you been, Ms. Robena?" Subria asked.

"I can't complain," she said, sighing.

Subria noticed the bouquet of flowers in Ms. Robena's bag, and groaned.  "I didn't bring anything to put on the grave!"

"That's okay, love," Ms. Robena said with a chuckle.  "With all this snow, I might just keep these flowers and put them on my dining table."

"Thanks," Subria said, grinning slightly.

"Have you ever been to visit a gravesite before?" Ms. Robena asked.

"No, ma'am.  This is my first time," Subria responded, following the older woman's lead down the path toward the grave.  "I haven't been here since his funeral."

"At my age, I'm here more than I'd like to be, and usually I'm alone.  I'm glad to have your company."

The umbrellas and their vast height difference made walking arm in arm a bit challenging, but it felt good for Subria to hold on to someone.  The two walked along in silence for a while, their faces hidden under the umbrellas.  Initially, Subria worried that the snowfall would make it difficult for them to find the grave, but then she realized that Ms. Robena knew the location of her grandson's final resting place like the back of her hand. 

The crunch of the snow under their feet and Ms. Robena's low humming was all that Subria could hear.  She concentrated on those sounds to try to keep the tears away, and it worked until they arrived at his grave.

Primus Clarke

Loved by all who knew him

May 5, 1981 – December 3, 1994

Ms. Robena took the flowers out of her bag, as Subria knew she would, and she placed them gently on his grave.  Primus lost his mother to cancer when he was only five-years-old, so he moved in with Ms. Robena who lived two doors down from Subria's family.  Ms. Robena had been the only mom Primus really remembered, and he had been Subria's best friend ever since they both ended up in the same kindergarten class. 

Subria walked slowly over to his tombstone, and brushed the snow away.  She wasn't sure what else to do.  She thought about kissing the tombstone, but that seemed weird.  Subria smiled to herself, because she knew that if Primus could hear her thoughts right now from wherever he was, he'd be cracking up at her.  Since no other ideas came to her, she simply whispered, "I miss you so much!" and joined Ms. Robena on the path leading out of the cemetery.

As Subria and Ms. Robena arrived at the entrance, Subria saw her father, Steven, standing in front of his car waiting for them.  His camel brown fedora covered his eyes, and his chin was hidden in the upturned collar of his coat.  The snow wasn't falling so hard anymore, but it didn't matter anyway, because Steven wasn't one for umbrellas. 

"Hey, Daddy," Subria said, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Hey, Bria," Steven responded.  "And how are you Ms. Robena?"

"Better now that I'm getting out of this cold," Ms. Robena said, laughing, as she tucked herself into the back seat of the car.  "Thanks so much for the ride, Steven." 

"Ms. Robena," Subria asked, "are you sure you don't want to sit in the front?"

"Oh no, sweetheart," Ms. Robena said, yawning.  "I missed my nap today."

Steven closed Ms. Robena's door after making sure she was comfortable, and then jogged over to his side of the car.  "Am I taking you home, Ms. Robena?"

"No, I'm going to see my sister, Charlotte.  She lives over in Brighton Beach, so if you could just drop me off at the Atlantic Avenue station, I can make my way over there on the B train just fine."

"Now, Ms. Robena," Steven said, glancing back to frown at her," I'm not going to have you riding the train.  Just tell me where she lives, and I'll drop you off right at her door."

"I don't want to be any trouble, Steven," Ms. Robena responded, shaking her head.

"You're no trouble at all."

Once Ms. Robena was sure that Steven knew how to get to her sister's house, she drifted off to sleep.  Their block wasn't too far from the cemetery, so Subria was tempted to ask her father to drop her off at home, but she didn't want to pass up the chance to spend some time alone with her father. 

"How was work today, Daddy?" Subria asked. 

"Stressful," Steven responded.  Steven had been the Program Director for the Police Athletic League in their neighborhood for the past ten years.  Subria had participated in P.A.L. after school program from the time Steven started working there until she began high school several months before. 

"Why, is Kimberly acting up again?" Subria asked, smiling.

"Well, yeah, but that's nothing new.  The kids want to put on a holiday show, but the staff is arguing over whether the show should focus on Christmas or Kwanzaa."

"Why can't they just do both?" Subria asked.

"That's exactly what I asked, and they haven't been able to give me a satisfactory answer yet.  I'm tempted to just cancel the whole thing, but I know the kids don't really get to do holiday shows in school anymore.  They're so excited about it."

"You should just let the kids run the whole show, and take the staff out of it.  The older kids from the Teen Center and Youth Link can help the younger kids.  They'd do a great job."

"Sounds like you miss being there, huh?" Steven asked.

"Yeah, but it's worth it to be on the track team."

"How'd practice go today?"

"Not so good," Subria said, frowning.

"What was your best time?"

"The fastest I could run was a 12.8."

"You usually run a 12.5, right?"

"Yeah, but the coach knew that today was the anniversary of the accident, so he took it easy on me."

"How was it going to the cemetery?"

"I wasn't sure what to do while I was there," Subria said.  "Have you ever visited someone's grave before, Dad?"

"My little sister Joy's grave," Steven responded after a long pause.  "Sometimes I go there." 

"What do you do when you go?" Subria asked.

"I cry."  Subria looked at her father's face, and she saw tears welling up in his eyes.  She reached in her bag and passed him a tissue.  She didn't ask any more questions.

When they arrived at Charlotte's apartment, Subria reached back and gently awakened Ms. Robena.  She waved goodbye to her from the window, and Steven walked her upstairs.  He was back in less than five minutes carrying a plastic bag that he didn't have when he left.

"What's that, Daddy?" Subria asked.

"Ms. Charlotte gave me some fried chicken as thanks for giving her sister a ride."

Steven put the plastic bag on the floor of the back seat, and the aroma filled the car.  He headed down Brighton Beach Avenue toward Ocean Parkway, but then he turned left instead of right.

"Where are we going, Dad?" Subria asked. 

"I just have to go help a friend for a second," Steven responded.

"Where?" Subria asked.

"Coney Island," Steven said.  "We'll be there in about five minutes."

"Is it going to take long?" Subria asked?  "I'm hungry!"

"You can eat some of Ms. Charlotte's chicken, or we can go to Nathan's," Steven said.  He knew how much Subria loved Nathan's hot dogs and fries.  He looked over to see if Subria was interested.  She wasn't. 

"No thanks, Dad.  I want Mommy's food.  What's your friend's name?" Subria inquired.

"Uh, Mr. Harvey," Steven said.  "He was a friend of my father's."

Steven was right.  They drove down Ocean Parkway for about five minutes, and when they arrived in front of a set of buildings not too far from Astroland Amusement Park, he parked the car. 

"I'll just be a few minutes," Steven promised.

"Can I go up with you?" Subria asked.

"No," Steven said.  "He has dogs."

"Oh," Subria said, remembering the last time that she was around dogs, and the severity of her allergy attack. 

"Don't mention anything about Mr. Harvey to your mom.  She doesn't really like it when I come to help him."

"Mom's not like that," Subria said, looking at her dad suspiciously, but Steven wouldn't make eye contact with her.

Steven left the car running so that Subria could keep the heat on.  She thought about trying to go to sleep, but when she saw the two men leaning against the wall outside a bodega near the buildings, she reconsidered.  She noticed that they were looking in her direction, so she quickly looked around at the car doors to make sure they were all locked. 

"Excuse me," one of the men shouted.  Subria didn't make eye contact with him, hoping that he wasn't talking to her, or that he'd leave her alone if she ignored him.

"Leave her alone, Bobby," Subria heard the man's friend say.

"I'm not bothering you, am I, young lady?" Bobby asked, approaching the car.

Subria continued trying to ignore him, even though she had the impression that if she didn't respond he'd get angry. 

"How about you let us come sit in the car with you?" Bobby asked.  "It's cold out here."  He crouched down near the front passenger door and stared in at Subria, making it almost impossible to avoid him any longer.  Subria looked out at him, and he was smiling widely at her.  Several of his teeth showed significant signs of decay, and she cringed without meaning to. 

"Bobby, come on, man!" the other guy said.

"Be quiet, Al," Bobby said.  "If she wants me to stop talking to her, all she has to do is open her mouth and tell me.  Now I asked you a question," he said, directing his gaze back to Subria.  "Are you going to let us in?"

"No," Subria responded, her voice sounding stronger than she felt.  "I can't let you in, but you can ask my father when he comes back."

"Well," Bobby said, laughing menacingly, "if I had a young lady like you, I would never leave her alone in this neighborhood.  Since he's not here, maybe I'll just take you home with me."

Subria thought about the horrible stories she had heard about girls being attacked, and she determined that she wasn't going to go without a fight if it came down to it.

"Bobby, come on man," Al said again, walking away.  "5-0's coming!"

Subria looked over at the street, and she was relieved to see a police car approaching.  Al and Bobby quickly headed around the corner, and Subria exhaled.  She had never felt more scared or alone. 

When Steven finally came out of the building a few minutes later, Subria didn't mention anything to him about what happened.  Something about her father not telling her the truth about her mom's feelings about him helping Mr. Harvey diminished her trust in him.  And since he knew about her allergies, she didn't understand why he brought her with him knowing that he'd have to leave her outside at night in a shady neighborhood.  Subria wondered for a moment if Mr. Harvey was really Ms. Harvey.  She had noticed that her parents were arguing more than usual lately.

"You ready to go?" Steven asked.

"Yes," Subria said, noticing that her dad was glancing nervously across the street at the cop car.

Steven didn't have much to say when he came out of the apartment building.  He actually looked sadder than Subria had ever seen him. Maybe he was just helping a sick friend.  If he was going to see another woman, he probably wouldn't have come out of the building looking so empty, unless maybe something had gone wrong between them. Steven started the car, and they drove home in silence.

© 2010 Afrika Afeni Mills